Astig na Resume

Funny!!! This was a resume sent to a call center :-)

I. Personal Background

1. Name: Marjorie Barboza Lopez
- Everybody calls me Gigi though. I suits me better
than Marjorie or Marj. I think a Gigi is someone who
is fun, outgoing, smart, everybody's pal.Someone who
can think fast on her feet and lands on them too!
Most of all, a Gigi is someone who gets hired to do
the job.

2. Birthday: February 25,1975
- Undoubtedly, a very memorable day for my mother
Maria. Most probably not so memorable for my father
since he abandoned us shortly afer (but that's another
story)
- Which means that my zodiac sign is Pisces and that I
was born in the year of the Rabbit

3. Sibling: Marcial Laurence Barboza Lopez
- I call him Mat though, which is short for Matutina.
Apparently, his friends found his squeaky voice was
just like Matutina's of Marsha and John. He does not
sound like Matutina now but the name stuck.
- We used to fight a lot when we were kids but we get
along like a house on fire now. He's married with two
kids.

II. Educatonal Background

1. Primary Level: Nalsian Elementary school
- Incidentally, the same school where my mom taught
for 30 years. She was even my sixth-grade teacher. The
fact that I graduated valedictorian was due to my
superiior intellect and not because she was my
adviser. Honest.

2. Secondary Level: PSU Laboratory High School
- Located in the town of Bayambang, it is about 4
kilometers away from our home. There were only 20 boys
and 20 girls in a class and each year was composed of
one section so we were pretty small compared to the
national high school, which also meant that everybody
knew everybody. Funny thing was, my brother and I
acted like we did not even know each other. I told you
we did not get along pretty well in high school
- Most memorable experience was when all 20 girls in
our class went to a classmate's house to watch a
pornographic movie while her parents were away.

3. Tertiary Level: U.P. Diliman and AMA Computer
College-Dagupan

3.1. Big City
- I went to U.P. Diliman where I took up B.S.
Statistics. To this day, I cannot explainwhat made me
chose Statistics as my major. Mathematics and I mix as
well as oil and water. Eventually, I discovered SM
malls and got interested in attending them more than
my classes.
Ending: an unfinished education and a whole lot of
regrets.(Kids if you are reading, don't do this at
home)

3.2. Small City
- After my disastrous stint in the big city, I hanged
out at home for 2 years --- until mom put her foot
down: finish your education or else! I wanted to go
back to Manila but mom promptly vetoed the idea due to
my past "record" in the big city. I went to Dagupan,
where the biggest mall (at that time) could be easily
fitted inside Megamall Building A (and still have
enough room to play
football) and the movies were like weeks too late or
never get shown at all. I excelled in my studies
mainly because competition was scarce ( and I mean
SCARCE), there were not that much distractions and my
mother watched me like a hawk. I finally got my degree
in Computer Science.

III. The Aftermath
- I got an invitation to apply for a teaching job at
AMA shortly after. I applied and got it. It only took
me one trimester to know that teaching is not for me.
My schedule was a mess. I had a class at 7 in the
morning and the next one would be at 5 in the
afternoon. I preferred continuous action. Of course,
my patience and listening ability really improved,
what with students who could not grasp elementary
concepts and those who needed to be heard more than to
be lectured. I quit and became a professional couch
potato. My mother was not exactly ecstatic about my
decisions but she was not exactly unhappy either
because she gained a live-in
housekeeper/cook/nanny/laundrywoman in me. Heck, I
even did the windows. I was like a well-trained
housewife minus the philandering husband and kids.

IV. The Present
- I can not believe it! I've got acne all over my
face. Why now when all throughout my teenage years,
not one zit popped out? I have tried every
over-the-counter medications but nothing seems to
help. I have come to the conclusion that this would
require professional treatment. VIcky Belo or Pie
Calayan comes to mind. Unfortunately, this would mean
money which I don't have right now. My solution? Come
again to the big city and get a job. Besides, I've
come to realize that I am not fully utilizing my full
potential by just staying at home and playing
housekeeper. I mean I am smart and intelligent and f
unny and talented and honest and hardworking and
trustwothy and (ok ok you get the point) I need to go
out on dates,(paging eligible men who prefer
personality and humor to aesthetics) to rent my own
place and be independent and to go to the malls and
actually buy something. In other words, I need to
experience life! But first things first, I need a job
to jumpstart my plans.

V. The Future
- Driving the latest RAV 4 (my dream car), my mom and
I are on our way home after shopping and dining-out.
My acne is gone and my mom looks younger than her
years. Tomorrow, I have a date with the man of my
dreams. My career is flourishing and luck is on my
side - I have just won the Lotto jackpot!!!

VI. The Verdict
- I know that this is not the usual resume you receive
and hopefully read. Fact is, I have tried writing a
typical resume but I always find the finished product
bland and uninteresting and it does not convey the
real me. I hope you give this resume a fair chance.

Mobile Number: 0921-8133062
Home Number : 422-7180
Provincial Address: 84 Nalsian Norte BAyambang,
Pangasinan
City Address: 176-A J.P. Rizal St.Proj. 4,
Quezon City
Gettysburg's Address: Four score and seven years
ago......
My crush's address: I'm still investigating

I certify that all the things that I wrote down are
true. I should know, it's my life!

Sincerely Yours:

Gigi